It's OK to keep warm with scarves, thick tights and woolly hats

Ah yes, the Suri issue. Well noted, Leila, well noted indeed. As a fellow fan of most of the garments that you are currently working (NB: "most", ie, not all, and we will return to that crucial point in a moment) I, too, have pondered the Suri issue and have felt far more resentment towards la Cruise Jr than an adult should towards a four-year-old. Goddammit, that kid is stealing my look!

But, in fact, I feel that Suri is a force for good in that she is opening our collective eyes to the fact that far too many of us have, for some time, been dressing like toddlers. Princess coats, woolly tights, long scarves: all of these have been popularised for adults by labels such as Miu Miu and Marc Jacobs and become known as Bonpoint Chic because they look like the clothes sold by Bonpoint, the super-dooper posh and expensive children's clothing company.

Read that sentence again: "a children's clothing company"; in other words, not an adult's one. Do you see where I'm going with this, Leila? I am a touch concerned that you do not, or at least have been so brainwashed by the popularity of Bonpoint Chic that you can no longer see what is wrong with the look. Your penultimate sentence suggests as much when you express an active desire to wear a "cute childlike outfit". Is this acceptable at any time of the year? Yes, I reply, it certainly is – if you are a child. Under any other circumstances, it most certainly is not.

Which brings me back to the previously advertised point about how I like most of your outfit, not all. Mittens, Leila, mittens? No. These are not acceptable. You have now gone past the point of Bonpoint Chic and entered the world of Paedo Chic.

The only reason Bonpoint Chic worked was because the various garments were both practical for adults and pretty to boot. When you get into clothes that only children should wear due to their slightly reduced motor skills, you have a problem. Thus, woolly tights and princess coats: yes. Mittens and babygrows: no. Do you understand the difference? Have you thrown away those mittens yet? Good.

Right, so now that we've dealt with the most extreme manifestation of your fashion problem, we can turn to more mainstream issues. There is nothing wrong with liking a touch of Bonpoint Chic, but you cannot wear all the pieces together or you will be at risk of being co-opted into the Cruise family, and nobody wants that. A princess coat with a pair of jeans and trainers, for example, looks marvellous and keeps one looking more Sofia Coppola than Suri Cruise. Woolly tights and long scarves are fine, but should then be worn with more grown-up or casual-looking coats. It's not very complicated. I would say that a baby could do it, but that might take us back to square one.